Crystal’s Crystal Ball: September Fashion Week Special

When it comes to trends, it’s important to stay ahead of the game. That’s why we’re bringing you a monthly column from our favourite style maven, the one and only Crystal Rasmussen. Blessed with an innate gift for communing with the fashion Gods (not to mention the industry’s best Little Black Book Dress) this month Crystal will be giving us the what-to-where to stay fabulous at fashion week.

Luckily for you all, my dear fashion baby birds, it’s my two favourite seasons: Virgo season and fashion month, and mamma is feeling generous: so open up wide while I regurgitate my latest fashion know-how to get you prepped for the shows.

Yes, you read that right — I am indeed a bird, and you are my babies. I discovered this two weeks ago whilst having dinner with my good friend Ramona Singer in an alleyway next to Chiltern Firehouse, who told me that she’s been seeing a medium who specialises in animals. Since I was missing my darling Jimmy Chew (iconic, I know) I decided I must meet her. She informed me that the reason he kept barking at me all those years was because I am in fact a bird. I didn’t know whether she meant ‘bird’ as in the British slang term for ‘woman’ — which I am — or ‘bird’ as in a winged animal with a (sticky) beak. But since I’m so frequently seen in my wing-sleeved Molly Goddard gingham minidress (and since my botched filler job), either could be true.

Speaking of Ms. Goddard — I couldn’t be more excited for her upcoming fashion week appearance. Indeed London Fashion Week will be rather different this year — a series of online ‘activations’ (does this mean a workout?) and distanced shows, thus it’s likely I won’t end up sidling up to David Gandy at the red hot Simone Rocha afterparty.

Nevertheless, my colourist-spirit-guide Mark Rothko tells me it’s all about Earthy Tones this season, which is big from him, as, like Simone, he’s usually really into red. But what we’re leaning towards is caramels, browns, nutty colours - the colour of leaves just before they’re crushed beneath a Prada military boot (also very, very in). Head to Totême, Lemaire, Chloé, Nanushka for some earthen wear to shrug on as you finally take that at-home pottery class you’ve been dreaming of.

Speaking of wrapping up and staying in to watch the shows from fashion’s Big Four, it’s time to ditch the actual blanket and start blanket dressing. Think ponchos, think knits, sweater dresses, perhaps even a light coat. Naturally, you can count on our trusty comfortable-yet-stylish JW Anderson to provide the goods here, or hunker down for a cognac hot choc with Joseph and Totême.

Of course there will be nights where six or less of us might gather, and so out with the blanket, and in with the suit! Power hour, bitch stitch, third wave feminism! That’s right, if Ariel Levy taught me anything on our Goop-funded yoga and healing retreat it’s that Victoria Beckham cuts a killer suit. Givenchy is also good if you’re going from a day at the brokerage to a night at Christine’s burgers and botox party, and Bottega Veneta couldn’t be more stylish than if they sent me a free pair of their ankle boots (please see my address at the bottom of this page).

As we know, Crystal’s style is not dictated by gender — if anything, as my oracle Clarissa Dickson Wright once told me that gender is a construct, and so is gendered clothing. And so for the boys reading this, unlearn your toxic masculinity and then learn to dress like a star! In order to do so, you’ll need to start with a Dries Van Noten co-ord.

After your first foray, next it’s time to invest in some softer shades: Jacquemus, Clarks, Common Projects. Nothing says soft and accountable like pastels.

To fling yourself into full fashion mode opt for some leopard print from the likes of Sacai, Reception and Saint Laurent. If my twin (from whom I was separated at birth) Diana Vreeland said anything worth remembering it’s that she’d never met a leopard print she didn’t like. Go figure, baby! Then call me! (Or Carole Baskin.)

Until next time, here endeth the lesson. But do remember: fashion never stops teaching - and fashion birds never stop Tweeting. Happy Fashion week my pretties!

Crystal Rasmussen is the alter ego of writer, performer and media personality Tom Rasmussen, author of 2019’s bestselling Diary Of A Drag Queen.